There aren’t any decent single men there in New York City. That’s the way it is. everyone is constantly telling us. When Deanna* moved to the city in late 2021 She was the next to check if there was any truth to that assertion. Being single since her three-year boyfriend separated from her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was around this time when a group on Facebook called Do We Dating The Same Guy NYC came up as a recommended follow. The group included a strict prescreen survey and community guidelines that were a bar for entry. The group was at 43,000 active members. Deanna was intrigued, so she enrolled.
The community
The community-which began with the very specific intention of helping women verify whether their loved ones were seeing other people-was started in the month of March 2022. Nearly every major US city has a similar community now and the rules are clear: Anyone has the right to post anonymously, with no restrictions on doxxing or posting sensitive information, nor can screenshots leave the group. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting or hate speech. Never inform a man that he’s been posted to the group. In the wake of West Elm Caleb, a man who many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots online, it seemed that a lot of women were in the market in search of a way to check out men who were similar to him.Read about https://datingfortodaysman.com/ At website As one TikTok user had to say during the day This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s pretty much the way this group was as of the time Deanna joined. Every version of Are We Dating the Same Guy can be used as a area for women seeking romantic advice or want to provide advice on men whom they’ve had negative dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, an act of sending them other ladies to be enticed by them on social media – is now a standard. It’s not difficult to slip into a rabbit tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, stories of failed hookups, and memes about the difficulties of modern day dating. Some of the most popular posts consist of photos of a guy with his name asking if anybody has matched with or dated the individual the person in question. Emojis with red flags are a common glimpse on uninspiring but ominous messages warning users of an ex-partner or a bad time, often accompanied with the downward-pointing arrow and the scary phrases See comments for more info.
Online dating has dominated our choices in recent years in recent years, with a recent study revealing that almost 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their loved ones online. It’s therefore natural that the romantic aspect of romance has to adapt to the new digital age. Instead of hanging out with small groups of acquaintances drinking a glass of wine or venting to coworkers, we’re now seeking advice from 43,000 women experiencing similar, and in some cases precisely the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie Another group member. Not to say that there’s not benefits however it was helpful for me to reframe my perspective on dating. It’s not a competition for women with each other, however it is holding men to a much higher level than I was before.
It’s obvious to me that certain behaviors which is promoted and facilitated through Are We the Dating the Same Guy is an issue if displayed by potential suitors. Photos, photos of private conversations and screenshots thrown up without the consent of the other party or knowledge are all over the internet. People look through social media profiles on a frequent basis. It doesn’t take long for a partner to get put on the hot seat. Even though Deanna likes being part of the group, she does have some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she states. But I’m guessing that you’ll have to deal with the fact that it becomes an echo chamber of men have kept pushing us for so long and now we’re willing to give it back.
We are still living in an age of patriarchy
We are still a patriarchal culture, so until we’re truly equal on the internet, these interactions will have different reverberations depending on the culture of each individual. Even so, can a group like this really be vigilante empowerment on one side of the coin and deplorable incel horror on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? is hyperlocal and inter-personal, but only for people who live and meet in the town the group is located in. The women and men they share their stories with could be your next-door neighbor your coworker, friend family member, or your most the most recent Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization that comes with operating on the internet, which makes this all seem like something you play. It’s not too far for me to say this is in opposition to the date-related information in both groups. Particularly when the details of private conversations, and even photos were shared without permission or knowledge, and often as a means of entertainment.
